What Would You Do If No One Was Watching? June 2, 2013

I recently came across an interesting question on a women’s forum. It asked: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? As one might expect, the responses were very diverse. It got me thinking about what I would do if I weren’t afraid but first, I had to question what it was, exactly, that I feared. After a bit of soul searching, I realized that I am hugely afraid of what others think of me.

Others help define me

It is very constricting and let’s others help define me and what matters to me.  So, I started to wonder what I would do if I didn’t pay attention to anyone around me, save for my family and close friends. It was like a huge weight just lifted. It was completely liberating. That would mean that I would simply do what was entirely right for me and my family. In my career, it wouldn’t matter where I sat, or how others perceived me and my actions. That means that at the end of the day, I only have to answer to myself and can feel good, or not, about the things that matter to me.

What really matters

That has instantly removed a great deal of pressure. It’s no longer about the title and it is not a competition. It’s just about the work and the self-worth. So much easier! I don’t know if I could possibly sustain that notion but I would certainly like to. Life seems so much easier with far less aggravations this way. You should try it! Or don’t. It doesn’t matter to me. Life’s too short.

A Little Welcome Perspective May 28, 2013

 

I get home today after a pretty bad day at work feeling completely dejected. I am immediately greeted by my two beautiful daughters who rush into my arms with words of affection and praise. Really, is there anything better than that? Not for me. Not even close.

Why was I feeling bad again?

Nothing like children to remind you of what really matters.

Are long working hours necessary or just optics? April 29, 2013

Working Mothers Canada, my little LinkedIn group, has already spawned some interesting discussions – if only offline at the moment. A friend brought up the expectation that certain positions require long hours. But is it really necessary or is it just optics?

Time vs effort

I recalled a job I once held that did imply long hours but I started to pay attention to how those hours were spent. One colleague, who appeared to leave the latest, spent a good chunk of her day in other offices discussing myriad topics that were not always related to work. Another colleague, who left considerably earlier, was usually hunched over her computer and literally running to meetings. It was once noted that the shorter-hour employee out-produced many of her coworkers. At the end of the day, which one received more praise or credit? I couldn’t tell you. But it did raise an interesting question for me. Should we be judged on the hours of our work or the effectiveness of our work? The answer seems obvious to me.

A happy employee is a loyal employee

Research suggests that working very long hours can actually be counter-productive. Mistakes happen when we are tired and stressed. Ultimately, a happy and rested employee is a productive and long-term employee. Spending quality time with my family certainly makes me happy. Maybe that explains my intense focus at work. Sheryl Sandberg (who I know I’ve been quoting a lot of late) manages to leave work at 5:30 most days despite being Facebook COO (although she does admit to spending most evenings post-dinner on remote access). She suggests addressing your hours early on to create clear and workable expectations. So, I ask you, is it necessity that demands the really long hours at work and away from family or is it something else?

 

Finding Great Opportunities to Link Up April 29, 2013

After writing my last post about trying to do it all, which was largely inspired by the book Lean In, I did a quick search on LinkedIn to find professional groups that address these issues or, at the very least, offer a little support. My perfunctory search turned up very little. So, I decided to start my own. Working Mothers Canada was my response. I confess, I did it in the spur of the moment and very quickly but I absolutely don’t regret it. I don’t feel any sense of shame in admitting that I am struggling with trying to raise my two daughters – luckily, with great support from my husband – and trying to build a successful career. Let’s face it, society obviously puts great deal of pressure on women to attain impossible standards. But I don’t think anyone could apply more pressure than I do on myself. Everything has to fit around my children and for that, I make no apologies.  But the challenge of fitting everything else is daunting and at times, overwhelming. So, recognizing that I am certainly not alone, I decided to start my own little group. Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In Author and Facebook COO, encourages women to build on the efforts of previous generations of women and at least take the opportunity to start a discussion. It might not ease the pressure we put on ourselves but it does help to share. Perhaps we learn, perhaps we encourage and, perhaps we just find a great excuse to laugh. It’s always better to do it together.

How far can you lean in before you fall? April 26, 2013

I am in the middle of Lean In, by Sheryl Sandberg and I’m loving it. I would recommend it to all women. It has already offered me so much inspiration and given me much pause. For me, it is particularly timely as I venture into my own business; albeit a small, side business at the moment. Becoming an entrepreneur is a very exciting prospect but with two young girls, it is also a very scary one. Lean In is definitely inspiring a sense of confidence about my decision but I woke up at about midnight this evening in a virtual panic, concerned that I really can’t do it all.

In Focus

I chose to put my career progression on hold for the first years of my daughters’ lives to put as much focus on them as possible. I continued to work but in a job that would ensure regular hours. But as my children begin school and are starting to find their independence, it is putting some of that focus back on me and the result is not entirely welcome. I don’t feel completely fulfilled intellectually and certainly don’t think that I have truly maximized my potential.

So, I have started a side venture with a partner, which is providing a bit of a creative outlet and greater sense of accomplishment. Now, don’t get me wrong; I take the greatest accomplishment from my daughters and always will. But as they forge a future for themselves, with their mommy supporting them and encouraging them at every step, I have to also look to myself as an example and ultimately, a contributing member not only of their lives, but of society that awaits them. Whatever time I find for my new venture is not at their expense. I am lucky that I can work quickly and effectively under extremely tight timelines. I credit my previous life as a reporter for that focus; but it’s daunting. At 2 a.m., I am still wide awake wondering how I can possibly do it all. I’m afraid I still don’t have the answer─ just a sense of dread over the extreme fatigue that is sure to engulf me throughout the day.

Sandberg refers to the movie I Don’t Know How She Does It, starring Sarah Jessica Parker, in her book and I have to confess that I’ve never seen it. But the answer to that question certainly eludes me. How does she do it? Better yet, can I?